Yesterday was the first day of my 200-hr yoga teacher training. It was also the first day of an incredible journey.
I decided that I wanted to do this training after coming back to consistency with yoga and meditation and for the first time ever I was able to calm my anxiety. Focusing on breath work, mindfulness and a daily practice has taken me from a very dark place to a place of light.
By hoping to dive deeper into my own practice and wanting to teach others to have this same level of peace, I signed up for this training.
But I was nervous.
It was outside my comfort zone. (Or so I thought)
I didn’t know what to expect.
I didn’t know anyone in the room.
Vulnerability, at it’s finest.
But damn. It was incredible. And it was only day 1.
I came home and looked at Teddy and told him, “I felt like I was home. As if all I have been wanting more of and searching for is coming together in a beautiful way.”
I am so excited to be a student. To learn. To grow.
This training is a blend of anatomy and philosophy. Having my Bachelor’s degree in Biology I have a curiosity about science but never felt as though the medical field would be creative enough for my chaotic brain. I also got a minor in philosophy in college-purely because I loved the courses and the readings. And now if you come to my house at any point in the day I am typically sitting with a book in my hand and it is something about eastern philosophy or spirituality.
The intersection of things that I have found deep interests in studying has come at the perfect time. At a time when I was wondering when I would feel this passion again. At a time when I was feeling open and ready.
The combination of philosophy, learning language and words that I am not at all familiar with, deepening my understanding of my own practice and expanding my knowledge of anatomy is exactly what I have been looking for and open to receiving.
One of my teachers told a bit of her story of yoga and it moved me so deeply because I began to see a yoga practice in a different light. I began to recognize it as a form of surrender.
She talked about how she was in the darkest place of her life. She was in a terrible marriage and was living in fear. She began to turn to yoga to help in those times where everything felt desperate. Instead of grabbing for a bottle of wine, she would get on her mat. If she woke up at night in a panic, she would get on her mat. She would work it out on her mat. She would go there until she was less anxious, she would cry through what she was processing. She would surrender.
Now she’s in a much different place in her life but how beautiful is that story?
To be somewhere so raw and to find an ounce of calm is so inspiring to me.
Now I know that have that ‘practice’ is not about having an intense workout on my mat every day but instead going to my mat to work through everything.
For the next 8 months of teacher training I am committing myself to no alcohol, no negative self-talk and a daily practice.
I cannot wait to document this journey here. Not only for anyone following along but also for myself, so that I am able to look back and see how much growth has happened. I am open and I am ready.
Today is day 2 and I am excited.